There’s nothing that beats the quenching pain of heartbreak.
God knows we’ve all been there.
When we feel heartbreak for most of us, we can’t eat, we can’t focus on anything else, and we feel this quenching tightness on our insides.
My hope is that this blog will help you to move through any pain you might be feeling, to better understand what a soulmate is, and to gain a greater understanding of how and why you choose the partner(s) you did.
The good news is that, If he (or she) really is your soulmate, than it most likely will work out in the end,
And if he’s not, then he’s simply here to help teach us something about ourselves and what we DO what in a relationship. There’s nothing like an intimate relationship to shine the light upon the parts of ourselves we dislike and want to evolve.
For instance, lets say after spending time with him you felt defeated, or less than. Inferior or unheard.
Although for a period of time, your self worth might be shattered, this can also provide the catalyst to propel in the direction of your growth.
So going forth you do feel heard, and you do feel valued.
What Actually is a Soulmate?
After doing lots of work with past lives, I’ve discovered that the person you are within this lifetime, is actually the same person you’ve been with lifetime after lifetime, Hence the term soulmate.
In fact, all of the people closest to you in your life, i.e. your parents or caregivers, siblings, best friends, and long-lasting lovers are the same characters who have been with you for a lifetime after lifetime. Kind of silly when you really think of it this way!
That’s why we often have a feeling of familiarity when we do meet this person.
Oftentimes these people played different roles in our past lives, i.e. a lover could have been your father who you were vying for more of his love in a past lifetime, or he could have been a child. Perhaps even a son who you lost at a young age and you longed to be back together with. Or your beloved dog.
All relationships that you have which are short-lived in this lifetimes usually indicate that in the past they too were fleeting characters in the story.
After hearing this, this might put a new twist onto the saying “It wasn’t meant to be.” Right?
I think of it sort of like characters of a movie. Think of the last movie you watched. There are the main characters, and then the smaller roles or extras, such as the cashier at the store.
Not all the characters of a past life are currently playing a role in this current life. And not all the characters of a past life will be in this life.
Sometimes characters skip a lifetime and you will meet them you in the next. Or perhaps, you haven’t met all the characters of your current time movie quite yet. And perhaps you have met your soul mate in this lifetime, yet the timing or circumstances for you to be together didn’t work out. It’s very likely you will meet again later. Later could mean this life or next.
Chris Griscom who is foremost in past life regression work states in her book “Soul Bodies,” that “There are 5,000 souls on the planet that carry the vibration of that which could be considered soulmate. It is important to decipher the vibration rather than the infatuation or projection that you have placed onto that person.
Much of this projection has to do with the longing of what they have and we want. Sometimes their physical appearance may trigger memories of bodies we carried in other civilization's cultures. We may be of a different facial category, and yet we want to come into a romantic relationship with them due to our karmic contracts.”
Most people seek qualities in a soul mate for whom can help us reach a better expression of ourselves.
Because of our profound emotional and physical response to them, we ignore the indications that would show us their purpose as teachers in our lives.
All relationships are solely for 1 purpose, and that is to evolve ourselves. There’s no one who could propel us into greater growth and understanding of thyself than a close intimate relationship.
When we get through the infatuation, through the honeymoon period, we’re bound to realize that this person who is potentially your soulmate may also very well be the one to triggers you the most. They are the ones who know just how to push the right buttons.
At this point, it’s crucial that we gain an understanding of how we subconsciously choose into the qualities and traits of the other person, regardless of how painful and irritating they could be.
For instance, one trait my husband has is he frequently snaps at me with a controlling derogatory tone, as if to cut off my voice and shut me down. My logical mind thinks I want nothing to do with this quality. This irate behavior is all him and not me.
Yet deep inside I know of all the past lives I’ve been dealing with (and still am in the process of healing) where my voice was cut off by men.
Hence, my journey throughout this lifetime with this karmic contract explains much of this dynamic.
We came into this life to learn certain lessons or themes. Much healing was required of me to do around my relationship with my father before It was even possible to meet my husband.
I do a lot of work with clients on love related issues, and the important thing for us to know is the patterns we are facing with the opposite sex are deep and have both an ancestral and karmic root.
This is why traditional talk therapy can only go so far to address these very issues.
So here is my advice to you:
Tip #1. If you are single, try to become your highest and best self prior to meeting a mate.
That means, do your best to heal the patterns that were revealed to you from previous relationships. The reason is very simple.
Because of the universal law of attraction, whatever metric within side yourself that is not healed will be reflected back to you in the relationship.
Here are some examples of what I mean by metrics,
-feeling lonely and needing to grasp onto something to soothe this void within yourself
-Reaching for what you want, rather than settling into a more feminine receptive mode
-Feeling insecure & inadequate
-Feeling like you don’t matter and hence unable to receive the full attention of another. This trait will always result in you attracting a man who is either unavailable or willing to be with you, yet unable to see you completely.
Do you get the drift?
Tip #2. Figure out what needs are unmet from childhood
i.e. being fully seen and heard by your father etc.
Some aspects of love or nurturing may have been withheld. Figure out what this aspect is and see how you can fulfill it yourself.
We all have unmet needs that stem from childhood. No one is void of this.
Tip #3. Achieve a feeling of wholeness first.
Realize, you will always be attracted to a partner because of how they fulfill your unmet needs, and how in return, they make you feel.
However, zoom out from this perspective and ask yourself, will you still be ok inside of yourself even during times when they don’t fulfill this need?
Tip #4- If you are in the midst of heartbreak, live your life minute it minute.
Ask yourself, what would make me feel better for the next minute and the next? Reel it in.
In the midst of heartbreak, our attention is so focused inwards, we circle in the same thoughts over and over, “he did, she did, I should of….” So my advice is just for 1 minute, put your attention outside of yourself. Pause this internal dialogue, And then for just 1 minute focus on something that has you feel just a little bit better.
Tip #5. Remember the truth of who you are.
Rather then boomeranging into all the aspects of yourself that feel insignificant as a result of what this relationship brought up, try to remember the truth of who you are.
Look at a photo or video of yourself shining, or ask a friend to remind you who you are.
Tip #6. -Look back upon your loves. Especially the ones who have given you the most pain. Even them dying is a reason for feeling pain.
Close your eyes and reflect inwardly at how you have grown and possibly even become a better or wiser person because of your dynamic.
People come in and out for a reason. What part of the puzzle do they complete?
Look for the positives, perhaps what relationship caused you to know you do want!
Tip # 7 — Healing & Reconciliation.
For your own personal healing, it’s important to get to a point where you can actually begin to thank these people for being our teachers. Even our rapists and greatest enemies have been our teachers and helped shaped us into the person who we are today.
They have made us better decision-makers and taught us how to use our voice and better speak our truths. Many of our past relationship dynamics have strengthened us in some way, shape or form.
You may not want to outwardly thank them to their face, yet when we are able to come to an inward place of thanks and gratitude, this will propel our evolution forward and help us to create a place of inner peace.
Tip #8 — Forgiveness.
As a take-off of tip #7, when your heart is able to forgive (knowing that they were doing the best they knew how with the resources they had), our heart will then open for others.
Tip #9 — When the time feels right, let them go completely.
Letting go of past relationships, the good, the bad, and the ugly, then leaves room for new opportunities to find you, for new doors to open.
All people have faults and weaknesses which will be magnified in the relationship, and this in no way, the shape or form defines the whole of who you or they are.
Hence, it’ll cause you much less suffering to remain a stable force, despite your relationship hurdles. And others will admire you more for this quality.
We are all put onto this planet for a unique purpose. And Love plays an intimate part in defining ourselves and our life’s path.
Stay true to yourself~
Surrender to the messages of the universe, for this will help you to grow~
Do your best to keep your heart open, and allow love in~
And trust that as long as your soul and heart is open, love will find you~